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| Anya |
This is the man that I plan to entangle Isn’t he fine. My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle; Vengeance was mine. But I’m out of the biz, The name I made I’ll trade for his The only trouble is... I’ll never tell. |
| Xander |
She is the one She’s such wonderful fun Such passion and grace Warming the night when I’m right in her tight embrace, tight embrace. I’ll never let her go The love we know can only grow There’s just one thing But no... I’ll never tell. |
| Xander + Anya | ‘Cos there’s nothing to tell. |
| Anya | He snores |
| Xander | She wheezes |
| Anya | Say housework and he freezes |
| Xander | She eats these skeezy cheeses that I can’t describe. |
| Anya | I talk... he breezes. |
| Xander | She doesn’t know what ‘please’ is. |
| Anya | His penis got diseases form a Chumash tribe. |
| Together | The Vibe gets kinda scary |
| Xander | Like she thinks I’m ordinary. |
| Anya | Like it’s all just temporary. |
| Xander | Like her toes are kinda hairy |
| Together |
But it’s all very well ‘Cos God knows I’ll never tell. |
| Anya |
When things get rough he Just hides behind his Buffy Now look he’s getting huffy ‘Cos he knows that I know. |
| Xander |
She clings, she’s needy, She’s also really greedy, She never... |
| Anya | His eyes are beady |
| Xander | This is my verse, hello. |
| Anya (spoken) | Hey look, I’m dancing, crazy. |
| Together | You know |
| Xander | You’re quite the charmer |
| Anya | My knight in armour |
| Xander |
You’re the cutest of the scoobies With your lips as red rubies And your firm yet supple... tight embrace. |
| Anya | He’s swell |
| Xander | She’s sweller |
| Anya | He’ll always be my fella. |
| Xander |
That’s why I’ll never tell her That I’m petrified. |
| Anya |
I’ve read this tale There’s wedding and betrayal I know that come the day I’ll want to run and hide. |
| Together |
I lied, I said it’s easy I tried, but there’s these fears I just can’t quell. |
| Xander | Is she looking for a pot of gold? |
| Anya | Will I look good when I’ve gotten old? |
| Xander |
Will our lives become too stressful If I’m never that successful? |
| Anya |
When I get so worn and wrinkly That I’ look like David Brinkly? |
| Xander | Am I crazy? |
| Anya | Am I dreaming? |
| Xander | Am I marrying a demon? |
| Together |
We could really raise the beat And make our marriage a hell So thank God I’ll never tell. I swear that I’ll never tell. |
| Xander | My lips are sealed. |
| Anya | I take the 5th. |
| Xander | Nothing to see, move it along. |
| Together | I’ll never... tell. |